and it went a little something like this...
8:30 - Land at Charles de Gaulle airport, arrive late, no sleep on the plane, miss my flight to Nice
9:00 - try to rent a car to drive, all they have is a Ford Fiesta for 500 Euros. No effin way.
10:00 - get online at CDG and try to book another flight. Found one! Only $100 change fee! but I have to fly out of Orly...
10:30 - take the bus to Orly airport.
11:00 - get there and find out it will actually cost an additional EU199.50. Fuck that.
12:00 - get on the train back to CDG. I give a guy from India directions for the subway and he tells me he's going to the Paris International Air Show. He's some IT tech, there for new Defense technology stuff... He leans in to whisper when he talks about what he does and why he's going.
12:15 - I get off at the Anthony stop with him because I decide this is too good to miss and I'm fucking IN.
12:45 - realize I do NOT want to drag my luggage all over, decide to continue back to CDG and check it in so I can be FREE.
1:30 - They won't check my luggage in at the airport yet. Too early. No lockers, nothing. Fucking terrorists (George Bush and his infidel band of fundamentalist warlords, I mean)
2:00 - Take the train BACK to Gare du Nord train station where they have lockers.
2:45 - finally get there.
3:15 - track down the locker in the goddamn basement and ditch that shit.
3:30 - figure out the hard way that I can't buy a subway ticket at the machines in Gare du Nord without either a.) change or b.) a credit/debit card with one of those little gold chip things in them (like the calling cards)
4:00 - wait in a half hour line to buy EU6.00 worth of subway tickets
4:15 - in the train, on my way to Le Bourget for the Air Show
4:55 - get there, lie about my credentials, give a fake business card, wave my camera around and speak in wacky franglais and I'M IN!!!
5:00 - whoa. It's fucking amazing, it's like this weird military/civilian trade show with missles, defense systems, strike fighters, satellites, recon, un-manned warplanes, helicopters and weird trade show type shit. Except it's all dudes in either flashy business suits with dark, shady eyes or highly decorated military personnel. Similarity? They all want to kill people and they are all have dudes around them that are wearing sunglasses...
6:00 - It starts to rain. HARD. Everyone flees and suddenly getting ground transportation becomes nearly impossible (oh, the irony...)
6:10 - hook up with this Arab gypsy cab driver who tells me he hates rushing through trafiic because Arabs are calm people. word up. I want to tell him that from what I've just seen, traffic looks to be the least of his peoples future problems. I hold my tongue. We work out a deal for the ride after much language barrier haggling and it's on.
6:30 - get to Charles du Galles so I can catch the express train back to Gare du Nord.
6:50 - catch the train (finally!) My flight closes at 8:20, btw...
7:15 - get to GDN, RUN up the stairs to get across the station to where the luggage bunker is.
7:20 - stop. call my girlfriend xoxo she's a babe.
7:40 - get my stuff, slam it together and get back on the train to Charles du Galles (AGAIN)
8:14 - get off the train, boogie toward my terminal, laughing at how close I've cut it.
8:19 - saunter casually up to the ticket counter and check in like it ain't no thang.
11:00 - get to Nice, find out they have booked out of rental cars in my fare class, I look at the guy like thats just not the answer I'm prepared to hear right now.
11:02 - he upgrades me to a 2007 BMW 3 series sedan.
12:00 - check in to my hotel in Cannes, go get a panini, a salad and 2 beers.
2:20 - sitting here writing this shit because I need to adjust my biological clock thing so I am not fucked up all week.
That's one hell of a day. And now, the pictures to prove it:
The line to get my subway tickets was LONG.
haha, New York styled shirt, made by foreigners. Where the hell is Fifty-FirTH Street anyway??
These dudes look like they REALLY need some more bigger guns. Especially the dude mean muggin' me...
This guy was selling unmanned warcraft like it was magic snake oil.
This was in this Israeli Defense strategy area. There were a lot of people with headsets and sunglasses on around here...
They showed a video about tactical command technologies and efficient airstrike capabilities. This is the target before:
and after. BOOYAH Palestine! Take that, bitches...
I looked above the visor and under the seat for the keys, but no dice. These people are not as dumb as they look.
Would you like a small slaying, medium maiming or large sized killing? Oh, super sized slaughter?? We have that too. Don't forget our "buy 10,000 and we'll throw in a free ethnic genocide post-momorial day" special!!! (NOTE: in the background, it reads "And it will keep on delivering for decades" -think about the fucked up implications of that statement for a second, seriously.)
and this? this just scared the bejeezus out of me:
but wait. dude. spaceships! rockets! coolest thing ever.
and back to Charles de Gaulle...
peace in the middle east.
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